i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
