what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
