I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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