I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
