So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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