Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
