morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
