"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
