Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
she told me i tasted like america
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
