she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
