we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
