fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
