I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize