i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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