I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
We have started to decorate penises.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
