she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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