i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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