Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize