I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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