I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Randomize
