So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
