im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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