Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
