Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
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