Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
pray to the hookup gods
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