i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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