Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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