All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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