if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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