Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
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