Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
You have to summon your inner elephant
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
