I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
