Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize