and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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