i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
