why didn't you poke me back
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
