Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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