i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
