In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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