My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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