He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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