Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
