...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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