its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize