Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
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