So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
