Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
