Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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