My hand turned me down
I smell stomach acid.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
