I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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