Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
