Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
