can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
oh god the rape fog is back!
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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