i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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