I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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