Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
