So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
