plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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