At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
