sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
hotel room ftw
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
