K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
