it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
