Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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