VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
