saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
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