OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize