STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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