why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
