Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
My pussy is not your playground.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize