The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize