your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
