I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Randomize
