I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
