you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
it's like iHOP with fire
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
