My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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