Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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