I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
