Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
