I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
